My Husband Drinks: What to Do, Causes, Signs and Mistakes

Family alcohol abuse is common in many countries. According to statistics, one in three women faces the problem of an alcoholic husband; it turns out that 30% of our families have alcoholics - a scary number. At the same time, the husband's alcoholism adversely affects the entire family, and a large number of such families have become a social problem. Families where men drink are more likely to be socially disadvantaged, and the children of these families are also affected. Let's try to find out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.

Main reasons why husbands start drinking

First, it is necessary to distinguish between everyday drunkenness and binge drinking. The first is drinking for pleasure and the second is addiction. However, since drinking is done for pleasure, drinkers are more likely to become alcoholics over time. Here are the reasons why the husband started drinking:

1. entertainment. Many people start drinking at parties and company gatherings to lighten their mood. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with a beer at a summer picnic, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, or a cocktail or two at the bar on the weekend.
2. Tradition. Men in our country have grown up in a culture where they drink regularly: it is customary to drink during festivals, if something important happens, the first thing you have to do is get drunk, and people in the company don’t trust people who don’t drink. .
3. communicate. Drinking alcohol can help you join a team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet girls without drinking; this way they overcome their shyness.
4. pressure. In the post-Soviet world, it was not common to see a psychologist, and the culture imposed a brutal, masculine image on men who did not have psychological problems and did not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but are forced to hide their feelings, and drinking becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason why alcoholism develops and develops.

How to Know Your Husband Has Become an Alcoholic - The Key Signs

Many men drink alcohol sometimes, such as on vacation. It just so happens that they went too far. When should you start worrying? The wives of these men often ask this question to psychologists. Only a doctor can diagnose alcoholism. There are warning signs, and when they appear, it’s time to take action.

frequently used

If a man drinks alcohol not occasionally, but regularly, for example at weekends, this is already cause for concern. If your husband drinks alcohol every day, even a little bit, this is a sign of addiction. What he drinks and how much he drinks is also important. Two liters of beer every night is a lot.

Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms

Alcohol is toxic to the body. First use can cause severe intoxication, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call it "not knowing how to drink". Over time, tolerance, or resistance to alcohol, builds and men can drink more. This is what withdrawal symptoms or a hangover look like – not feeling well the next morning. In the final stages of alcoholism, the tolerance to alcohol decreases again - to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "smelling the cork". Withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, with intense cravings for alcohol and cravings for a hangover - drinking a little to ease the pain. The hangover habit becomes a transition point that may later develop into severe alcoholism.

The emergence of gluttony

Binge drinking is defined as drinking for several days (3 or more days) in a row. Meanwhile, the alcoholic husband entered a unique cycle of drinking: every morning he felt bad, had a hangover, then drank during the day and became very drunk again, then the next morning he felt bad again, and it all started again. Chronic alcohol consumption can cause psychiatric disorders such as alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", an altered state of consciousness associated with severe agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.

personality change

Regular alcohol abuse can lead to gradual changes in an individual that are invisible to loved ones but are clear to addiction experts. These changes include:

• Become more irritable and have difficulty controlling anger;
• Weakened willpower and inability to resist desires;
• self-blame, guilt, and loss of self-esteem;
• Unable to take responsibility for one's actions;
• Lie to loved ones and deceive yourself.

Over time, an alcoholic man turns into a grown-up child: he is not responsible for anything, has no control over his actions, it is impossible to count on him - after all, he can get drunk at any time and forget the agreement, spend money. Money, even showing aggression towards loved ones: in this case it becomes dangerous. The sober alcoholic will regret his drunken actions and experience intense feelings of guilt, anger, or frustration with himself, which again prompts him to drink to distract himself from these negative emotions. He knew something bad was going on, but there was nothing he could do about it. Wives of alcoholic husbands often say of them: "He's great when he's sober, but when he drinks, he's a different person. "

social consequences

Often, relatives of alcoholics hide their addiction from others until the last moment. But at a certain point, it becomes difficult to do that. Alcoholics miss work or make serious mistakes and are fired. While drunk, he may commit various crimes or get injured. A person who drinks regularly will gradually lose his self-control and become very unpleasant: friends and even relatives will stay away from him. Gradually, people around him began to shun him, and his entire social circle was limited to alcoholics. If this happens, it will be difficult to break out of such a vicious cycle.

Common Mistakes Wives Make with Alcoholic Husbands

Psychologists call wives of alcoholic husbands "codependent. "This term refers to relatives who come into close contact with drug addicts and who inevitably undergo psychological changes. Such changes in their behavior, even against their will, can lead to the development of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes that wives of alcoholics make:

1. accusation. Of course, the behavior of drunken men and their consequences do not please their wives. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, nag, appeal to their consciences. Therefore, they only support feelings of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
2. Trying to hide problems from others. Many times, wives cover for their husbands in front of relatives, make excuses to superiors, and solve all problems themselves. Or insist that he drink at home, locked up - safer that way.
3. Supporting the addict's lifestyle: the wife scolds her husband but helps him "recover" from the hangover, gives him money for drinks, seeks him out among alcoholic friends and takes him home. Sometimes she would drink with him - because it would make him drink less.
4. Compassion for her husband and faith in his promise to stop drinking: they never came through.
5. Ignoring the problem: Because the husband is fine without drinking, the wife reluctantly tolerates his drunken behavior.

In codependent families, one often sees a situation where the wife seems to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism—she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and triggersscandal. But at the same time, nothing she tried worked: the husband just drank more and more, and the wife's life became harder and harder. But she received a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who knew the situation. Compared with her husband, compared with the people around her, such a woman is like a great martyr, and people sympathize with her and sympathize with her. She used her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.

What to do if your husband drinks alcohol every day – advice from psychologists and anesthesiologists

If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to live with the problem, "take up your cross" and do nothing. Of course, women can file for divorce and take time off at any time. Moreover, alcoholic husbands often bring more problems to the family than help, resources, and money. But you can try to kick your addiction and save your family. All those who have a close relationship with an alcoholic need to be patient: it can be difficult.

1. The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from your family life. Totally and forever. Don't forget, there are no former alcoholics. To avoid irritation, keep alcohol out of your home.
2. Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to undergo treatment until the last moment. Sometimes, after a scary or painful experience, a drinker wants to quit, but then his determination wanes—until the next time. An anesthesiologist can help you remove toxins from your blood, relieve serious medical conditions, and improve your health with the help of medications. Next, a psychotherapist should work with the addict since psychological dependence is more difficult to overcome than physical dependence.
3. Making connections is important. Talk to your husband and find out why he drinks. But you don't need to be a psychologist for your husband. It is better to entrust psychological issues to experts.
4. Change your environment. All alcoholic friends who drag recovering people back to the swamp should be cut out of your life.
5. Don't take it all on yourself. Don't give money to your husband and don't hide his problems from relatives. Remember, you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around family issues.
6. Don't humiliate a person and don't feel sorry for him. If you see him trying to get out of trouble, you can help him and support him in all his good deeds. But if he reaches for the bottle again, be firm.

Remember, it is difficult to solve an alcohol problem with family members alone. Get help: Seek help from an anesthesiologist, psychologist, support group.

Traditional approaches to treating alcoholism

All treatments can be divided into pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy.With the help of medications, doctors can:

• Relieve hangovers;
• Improves health and supports the function of internal organs;
• Purifies blood of toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
• Reduces cravings for alcohol – so-called replacement therapy.

Psychotherapeutic methods can help reduce psychological dependence. These include:

• Coding: A doctor instructs an addict not to drink alcohol or something bad will happen. Previously, the method of drug coding was also popular - special capsules were sewn under the skin of alcoholics. When alcohol entered the blood, toxins would be released, causing the patient's death.
• Classic hypnosis: The psychotherapist instructs you not to drink or not to drink. This method is similar to coding, but is gentler because using it does not pose an imminent threat to health or life.
• NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming): Experts use the patient's sensory channels (auditory, visual and tactile) to reinforce the patient's desired responses and reduce alcohol cravings.
• Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt method): Psychotherapists analyze the psychological problems of addicts in depth and suggest solutions to help learn new ways of behaving.

alternative medicine

Non-traditional approaches to treating alcoholism include herbs, which can cause a strong reaction in the body when used with alcohol. For example, fecal mushrooms, which are delicious and harmless, can cause severe nausea, vomiting, fever, and heart palpitations when consumed even in small amounts. With prolonged use, the active substances of the mushrooms accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, resulting in a characteristic reaction to each drink. This method has long been used in rural areas to treat alcoholics' drug addiction.To relieve the pain of alcoholism, folk remedies can also be used: a decoction of a mixture of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaves, apple cider vinegar, honey, cabbage and pomegranate juice.Various conspiracies and slanders about water, "stopping husbands from drinking water", praying, scolding drunkenness - these methods are popular among the people, but their effectiveness has not yet been proven.

Can I force my husband to stop drinking without his consent?

Some wives see their husbands refusing to stop drinking and try to kick his bad habit on their own without his knowledge. For example, they add some drugs to food and drinks. This is quite dangerous and doctors do not recommend it.To stop drinking, the addict must want to stop drinking and realize that alcoholism is destroying his health, relationships, and life. But this doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche so that alcoholics never stop drinking.However, there are things the wife of an alcoholic can start doing at any time to help her husband stop drinking, and it's up to her alone. She needs to recognize her position as a victim and change her way of thinking. Start changing the things in your life that you don't like, don't tolerate the things you don't like, and respect yourself. Not solving other people's problems, not taking responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys lives and families. In order to change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need to work with a psychologist on an ongoing basis.

How do you know when you need to seek help from an anesthesiologist?

There are several characteristic signs that make it safe to say that addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. These include:

• Regular, regular use can lead to painful hangovers;
• Lack of control over alcohol consumption (men cannot stop once they start drinking);
• Drinking alone at home (drinking quietly at home can lead to severe alcohol abuse);
• Lies and Hidden Bottles (a husband trying to hide the fact that he was drinking from his wife);
• Multiple days of heavy drinking prevent the drunk from recovering on his own.

All of these are signs that alcoholism has entered a dangerous stage, at which point the addict needs urgent professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will develop rapidly, with the most serious consequences, even death. There is no need to endanger the life and health of the whole family. It is best to seek medical treatment in time.